horrid figure

horrid figure
perfumed nightmare
why am i chosen
for your unrelenting torture?
the most of which is
unattainable pleasure
appears to have been made measureless by design
always
but a grasp
always
but a glance
only
a ghost of chance
the seeming solidity of this oasis
disarms my senses
every time
leaving me to feast upon
hollow nectar
leaving me to open eyes
amid a fading spectre
quickly awakened
returned to my exhaustion
starvation
long since driven to lamenting madness
i
have my sins plenty
i
do not repent
none seem to warrant this ever lingering hoax
take your knives to my side
leave my wounds unhealed
bleeding
my body inexplicably continuing
and more so
upright
return me to the scorching flame of the desert
robbed of my wits
directionless
without the release of a setting sun
you
inapproachable
voiceless
phantom
when was it you constructed a window for my heart?
stealing the inspiration
for your miserable masterpiece
did i shake your hand
after shuffling down darkened alleys?
did i feel your grip
in hours caught between night and morning?
was i sated with wine
when you laid your eyes on my dream's desire?
did i tell it to you plain?
were you a young woman
your lips sweet with honey words?
my questions
fall flat on the floor
heavy with their uselessness
i remain walled in by defeat
if
i insist on heading more toward madness i lose
if
i sacrifice my desires
i lose all the more